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| The
ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any part of the building you want to without difficulty. |
| Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, there's no need to speak the language; a German accent will do. |
| German guards at important factories and prison camps are almost totally deaf. |
| Anyone can land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. |
| All
car chases involve either: a) driving through a street market, sending fruit and chickens flying everywhere, or b) driving at breakneck speed along winding mountain roads. |
| All chases on foot end up down a trash can filled alleyway with a high wire fence at the end. |
| The tyres on all American cars always squeal and screech - even if they're driving on grass or sand. |
| No one ever locks the car doors when they leave them. |
| When driving at night, all cars have a light in the dash that illuminate the occupants. |
| Cars that crash will always burst into flames. |
| Cars that leap over Bridges or Gorges never get damaged (especially in Hazzard County) |
| Whenever you turn
the lights out in Hollywood houses, it doesn't get dark - it just turns
blue.
In fact, you don't actually have to turn the lights out - or on - it just happens automatically whanever you put your hand on - or near - the switch. |
| All men wear boxer shorts in bed, even after a night of red-hot passion. |
| Bed sheets in Hollywood bedrooms are all "L" -shaped... they always cover the woman up above her breasts, but cover the man just up to his hips. |
| All telephone numbers begin with 555. |
| All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off. |
| When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons. |
| All grocery shopping bags must contain at least one French loaf. |
| Beaches never have any fat, old or ugly people on them. |
| It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. |
| People low down on the cast list always walk backwards into dark rooms in Horror films. |
| One man shooting at 20 men has an excellent chance of killing all of them. |
| 20 men firing at 1 man will all miss. |
| The more a man and woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love. |
| All journeys through major cities will involve driving past all of its major tourist attractions in a random order. |
| The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. |
| You can always find a chainsaw when you need one. |
| When the hero's phone rings it will be a friend telling him to switch on the TV. The exact news item he wishes to talk about will be instantly displayed on screen from the start, even though there is a choice of 50 + channels. |
| All Aliens speak English. |
| All Aliens are identical to humans from the neck down, having only funny heads to distinguish them. |
| All police investigations will involve a visit to a strip club - where the investigating officers will show no interest whatsoever in the naked bodies all around them. |
| If a detective pops into his local grocery store, it will be held up at gunpoint. |
| When cops buy food at the local deli and return to their patrol car, as soon as they start eating they will receive an emergency call over the radio and have to throw their food out of the windows. |
| When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey, and to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right, even though the road is perfectly straight. |
| Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien civilization. |
| A single match will light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium. |
| All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software. |
| If a fight breaks out in a bar, everyone in the place will join in and will instantly know who's side they are on. |
| It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight; your enemies will dance around pulling martial arts-type poses and wait politely until you have knocked out their predecessors. |
| Action heroes never face charges of manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions. |
| When staying in a haunted house, if there are any strange noises any women present will change into flimsy and revealing underwear before investigating. |
| Women also always have an irresistible urge to bath when it is known there is a vicious killer loose in their area. They will open all large ground floor windows too. |
| When paying for a taxi, no need to look at your wallet - just pull out a banknote at random, it will be the exact fare. |
| When speaking together, all foreigners speak English. |
| If you are captured by an evil tyrant, he will explain all of his plans for world domination to you, before leaving you alone in a fiendish device designed to kill you, from which it will always be easy to escape. |
| No-one ever farts, forgets names, picks their nose or stumbles over their words. |
| If a person is knocked unconscious, they will wake up with no lasting brain damage or other after effects. |
| If you are a blonde and pretty, it is possible to become the world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22. |
| A detective can only solve a case if he has been suspended from duty. |
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